The thing that's most upsetting

The thing that is most upsetting me about Benjamin and his problems, is that they seem to be getting worse. All of the years of therapy and doctors and diagnoses and tests, there are still no answers, and the problems are getting worse. His odd behaviors are increasing, and well, this poop problem is out of control. I have pretty much givin up on finding a babysitter for him. It's not just anybody who will watch a 6 year old who messes his diaper every hour, just enough to smell up the room. Jason and I so desperatly need some time away, to ourselves, and no one will watch all three of my kids. My girlfriends can help during the day, which is great, but Jason and I need some time out and away from it all. We need it desperatly, and we need it soon.

It's actually getting harder to go places with Ben then it was when he was younger, and at least when he was younger, there was this hope that when he got older, it would be easier. He's nearly 7, and it's not easier. The stares are getting longer, and his behaviors less explainable. When a 3 or four year old is making noise or being out of control in a public place, it's kinda laughed at, now with Ben, I feel like I have to scream out, "HE HAS SPECIAL NEEDS!!!!!"

You would think after all this time I would be better at this. But I'm having a hard time. I have always thanked God that he didn't have health issues, and now, with his severe constipation, he has health issues. I don't know, I'm just feeling sad today. It's a hard life, I know I'm not the only one who deals with this, there are parents everywhere, more and more with the rise of Autism, but I don't know them. I just need a break, a vacation, some fun. That seems like an impossible dream, with our finantial problems to boot. Okay, now I'm just complaining. I'm done now.
Love,
Willow